Mary Sue & Harry too
by Peninsula Girl
Summary: What? Is this a Mary Sue? Darn, and I really tried to avoid it...


Disclaimer: The world of Harry Potter belongs to JK Rowling. Not no me. Nope. Even Mary Sue doesn't belong to me. And I'm not making any money out of this. On the contrary, it costs me money. I should be working now! Thanks a lot, Rowling…

A/N: This is something between a play and a fairy tale. I can't decide. It takes place in Harry's fifth year. I won't be able to react to your reviews for three weeks, for I'm going to have a well-deserved holiday. Right, everyone sitting comfortable? Then dim the lights. Everybody be quiet, for here comes: 

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Mary Sue & Harry too

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Scene one

Once upon a time, in a far, far away castle called Hogwarts, there was this wizard community that… oh, well, you all read the books. Skip the intro, stop the music!

[scrrrrratch] 

We're in Hogwarts. We're in the Main Hall. Beginning of the school year. Sorting ceremony just over. Everyone excited. You get the picture, don't you? Now pay attention, for Dumbledore is making his speech at the moment. Ssshhh!

"… for a new year of studying at Hogwarts. We are delighted to have you back in these difficult and dangerous times, with Voldemort's strength rising. Here, at Hogwarts, we are all safe. But who knows for how long?"

[Gasps coming from the House Tables. Teachers wearily shaking their heads. Dumbledore continuing:] 

"We are lucky to be in the presence of Harry Potter, The Boy Who Lived And Who Hopefully Will Keep Us From Dying Too…" [Named boy humbly waving away these words of Dumbledore's] 

"…But I am in fear. In fear that this will not be enough this year."

[Again, gasps from the House Tables, this time also from the Staff. Dumbledore rising his hand, adding:] 

"But, luckily, I believe we might have the answer to all our problems, the person who can take away our sorrows. She's young, she's beautiful, and she's called… Mary Sue."

[Doors of the Main Hall swinging open, strings playing, the Main hall being filled with a wonderful fragrance, and an almost unearthly light, that all comes from the figure who now enters the Main Hall, saying:]

"Hi everyone, I'm Mary Sue. One moment I was just this ordinary Muggle girl, not knowing of my special abilities, and the other moment I got a letter from Dumbledore, telling me that he'd always admired me, and decided to put me straight into the fifth year. Is this the Gryffindor Table?"

[Sitting down as the others all have dropped their jaws. Boys blushing. Girls shifting uneasily on their chairs. Mary Sue looking round with a happy smile, and then saying:]

"You see, Albus, -may I call you Albus, it's such a nice name." [Dumbledore combing his beard with his fingers, suddenly blushing] 

"I was thinking Albus, what if Harry Potter and I went over to Voldemort and tried to finally defeat him?" 

[Flitwick, agitatedly hopping on his chair:] "No Mary Sue, no! You can't do that! The man's dangerous. He will kill you!"

[Harry Potter, softly correcting:] "And me, probably."

[Mary Sue, looking determined:] "Well, if that's what it takes to defeat this evil, evil man… so be it!"

[Gasping again, then cheering from everybody. Nobody hears the soft muttering of Harry Potter, saying:] "Nobody asked ME what I think of this plan…"

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Scene two

[Mary Sue and Harry walking together. Mary Sue humming cheerily, Harry reluctantly walking a few steps behind Mary Sue, looking down. Mary Sue, spreading her arms, looking around and taking a deep breath, saying:] "Oh, just look at all the flowers, and smell this fresh air. Isn't it wonderful?" 

[Harry Potter, tripping over a small rock, falling on his knees in the mud] "Yep. Wonderful. Especially since this will be our last living day."

[Mary Sue, helpfully stretching out her hand to get Harry out of the mud] "All the more reason to be happy. You don't want to be grumpy at your last day."

[Both walking in silence for several hours. Not much action. Mary Sue constantly humming. Harry desperately putting his fingers in his ear trying not to hear her. Then Mary Sue saying:]

"O, look, that must be the hiding place of Voldemort!"

[Silence from Harry. Mary Sue looking at him, taking the fingers out of his ears and repeating:] "As I said: O look, that must be the hiding place of Voldemort!"

[Harry, looking confused] "How do you know it's his hiding place?"

[Mary Sue, cheerily:] "Because I have this special gift that enables me to see right through the dark. Come with me!"

[Both stepping in the large, dark cave. Mary Sue saying:] "Hi Voldie, here we are!"

[Dark, dangerous voice from the dark saying:] "Who dares to call me Voldie?"

[Mary Sue, still smiling:] "It's Harry Potter and me, Mary Sue. Boy, this is a dark cage you have here. Not cosy at all. Let me make some alterations." [Waving her wand and lighting candles, letting appear a small table and chairs. Placing flowers on the table] "That's better." [Patting on one of the chairs:] "Come on, Voldie. We want to talk with you."

[Voldemort coming threateningly towards them. Holding up his wand. Setting one chair to fire. Harry screaming and trying to get away. Mary Sue still smiling:] "Come on, Voldie. No need to be so hostile. We want to be your friends. Don't you want to have friends?"

[Voldemort growling. Mary Sue continuing:] "I mean, real friends. Not like those Death Eater types, who only obey you because they're scared of you, but friends who care for you. Who love you. Don't you want that, Voldemort, somewhere deep down?"

[Voldemort hesitating. Holding up his wand again. Then dropping his arm and starting to cry, sobbing:] "Yes, yes, you're right. I never meant to be evil for such a long time, I was forced to do so." [Loud sobbing and crying. Mary Sue coming toward him and leading him to a chair, saying:] "There there. Just be quiet now. I knew you couldn't be all that bad. You were a naughty man, but now you have the opportunity to change your life."

[Voldemort, still sobbing, giving his wand to Mary Sue, saying:] "Here, have my wand. I don't need it anymore. From now on, I'll never use magic again. And Harry…" [Looking at Harry, Harry still flinching at his look] "I'm sorry about what I did to you, and your parents. I didn't mean it, oh, I'm sooo sohohorrry…" [Bursting into tears again. Harry, saying:] "Oh. Okay, that's all right. I guess…"

[Mary Sue, saying] "All right, that's settled then. We have to go again. Voldie, feel free to visit us any time you like. And remember: we'll always be your friends. Bye!"

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Scene three

[Doors of the Main Hall swinging open. Mary Sue and Harry walking in. Mary Sue calling out:] "We've defeated Voldemort! He's not dangerous anymore!"

[Everyone starting to applaud and cheer. Mary Sue humbly gesturing them to calm down, stating:] "It was quite easy, in fact."

[Dumbledore, with tears in his eyes:] "Mary Sue, I want to make you Head Mistress of Hogwarts. You're far more suitable for the job than me."

[Mary Sue, suddenly looking pale, her lips turning blue:] "I'm sorry Albus, I'm really honoured, but I can't accept that offer. You see, I have this terrible heart disease, and the defeating of Voldemort has asked too much of my heart, I'm afraid. I believe I will die within five minutes."

[Loud moaning and crying from everybody. Flitwick crying out:] "Don't leave us!"

[Mary Sue, out of her breath, barely able to speak] "I have to leave you all, alas! But there's one last thing I need to do before I die. Harry Potter and Severus Snape, come to me, please.

[Potter and Snape quickly coming over to Mary Sue. Mary Sue, struggling to get breath:] "You both really must… stop… fighting each other. Don't you see… that… you… need… each other? Work… to… gether." 

[Harry and Snape looking at each other. Smiling. Embracing each other. Mary Sue collapsing on the floor. One last gasp, and she's dead. Flitwick, bending over her and closing her eye lids:] "And I wanted to ask her to marry me!"

[Dumbledore, patting his back:] "We all did, Flitwick. We all did." [Sad yet wonderful music playing suddenly]

And now we leave them as they keep mourning for years to come. Readers, wipe the tears off your face. Life goes on! Of course, there's no need for JK Rowling to write any more books, for this really is

The End.


End file.
